Portal’s Pacific Complete!

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At 165 million square kilometers in area, the Pacific Ocean covers about 46% of the Earth’s water surface and about one-third of its total surface area, making it larger than all of the Earth’s land area combined.

Translation: Crossing the Pacific Ocean on a 30ft sailing boat, often going no faster than a brisk walk, takes a really, really long time. It’s big. Really big. Big enough to contain thousands of paradisaical islands, a whole bunch of curious whales, dozens of delicious Dorado, miles and miles of treacherous waves, kilometers of tranquil still seas, squalls, thunderstorms, pelting rain, rainbows, turtles, sunshine, parades of fast moving ships, communities of slow moving sailors, black people, white people, weavers and carvers and builders, and a whole bunch more of COMPLETE UNKNOWN.

But, all crests are conquerable, and after 9 months of sailing, Portal has made it to Australia. We are tired, dirty and hungry, but we’re here!

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At Home in Vanuatu

In a faraway land, surrounded by volcanoes, palm trees and water-life, a child was born. The year was 1987, and her world was an isolated series of islands, their location barely known to the rest of Earth, and each one ripe for exploration. As the years went by, her family, both white and black, would snorkel amongst starfish, fish from trees dangling over lagoons, and sometimes… go sailing. A little boat, full in the belly and with a witch painted at the bow, “Magic Moon”, would carry this little girl, safely in her mothers arms, out to the horizon. The first time she drifted away from land, out, out, out, into the bay and slowly out to sea, was on-board this magic carpet, and as the people, then the trees, then the buildings grew smaller and smaller, her mind was imprinted forever.

Twenty Six years later, an even smaller little boat left the Kingdom of Tonga, bound for Vanuatu. This one was named “Portal” and had traveled across many miles and many nations to finally begin this important journey. On board was the little girl (not so little anymore), her co-captain Charlie (not little at all), her beloved big sister Carolyn, and their cat Pixel (she at least, was quite small).

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The day they all set out, began with flat seas, calm winds and pleasant sailing. The forecast looked good for their 10day push past Fiji and onto Vanuatu. But perhaps that never really matters – A first day sail is still a first day sail, and that usually means bad weather. Sure enough, by afternoon it was blowing 35knots from the South and little Portal and her crew were being thrown about. Carolyn, freezing even in her rain-gear, lay sprawled out in the cockpit, vomiting periodically over the side. Charlie stayed down below, clutching a bucket. Pixel snuggled tightly into her corner and tried to forget where she was. Our youngest sailor tried to make food and keep morale up, but mostly that meant making bruises and keeping things right-side up. Into the night they went on, all very thankful for the trusty self-steering gear “Gramps” who kept the small ship on course. By morning the worst was over, and the seas again were calming down.

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The journey was to be a tough one though – no sooner had they settled down, that our roaming crew were back to work: Old Gramps, Mr Grumpy, Auto-Helm 2000, had decided enough was enough – he had conked out. Could this be it, could he really be dead? Charlie, the vessels smartest engineer, spent hours trying to breath life back into the old robot, while the others took the helm, but to no avail. Just when they thought it fixed, he would beep erratically and sway wildly off course. It was no use, Gramps was dead. R.I.P.

Even with a crew of Three, hand-steering the rest of the way was a dismal prospect. Thankfully, most of the hard work had already been done on an ingenious self-steering mechanism for Portal, called “Sheet-to-Tiller”. With just a few ropes, some blocks and some bungee chord, our little ship would steer herself!

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Well, as with most ingenious ideas, this one took a LOT of finessing, and was never quite perfect. Hourly, her crew would re-adjust this and tweak that, zig-zagging their way towards their destination. Then, for three days the wind played a mean trick, blowing straight out of the SW, forcing our heroes to live at a 45 degree angle as they close-hauled their way forward.

Finally though, after a long Ten days, smelly, salty and exhausted, the crew spotted land.

And imagine what joy was felt, when the little girl aboard Portal, drifted into the bay, closer to the people, the trees, the buildings, closer and closer to her old home: that dream-land full of islands and volcanoes. Imagine her heart beating as she raised the national flag, sister by her side, from her little ship brought from so far away… her national flag, the flag of Vanuatu.

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Hand in hand, the two sisters explored their old home. Charlie, now the camera-man, followed close behind. Into their old houses, past familiar streets, cafes and markets, along well-known beaches and into previously explored lagoons. Into the arms of old friends, old family, not seen for years but as familiar as if it were yesterday. They filled their bellies with food they had long dreamed of, and nourished they souls with memories of days gone by.

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One day, as they were walking along the water front, our little-girl-sailor stopped dead in her tracks. Tears began to flow as she stood transfixed at the sight in front of her. There, just two meters away and plump as ever, lay her first ever magic-carpet: “Magic Moon”.

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Charlie drinking his first Kava and climbing a Paw Paw tree:

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Portal Anchored at home at last:IMG_8890  IMG_8905 IMG_8907

Mmmm, Pawpaw from Mum’s land:

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L’Houstalet, a Vanuatu institution, with delicious pizzas:IMG_8943   IMG_8955

Exploring our old homes; Lily in the ‘Pink House’:IMG_8967 IMG_8969                Carolyn’s friend Tony Tasavi, chief of Njuna Island:IMG_8998

A trip to Erakor Island, an old childhood hangout:

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Gladys, my surrogate mother:IMG_9034

A swim at Hideaway, another old hangout, and where my parents were married. It’s also home to the only Underwater Post Office!IMG_9039

A tour of Dad’s old Soap Factory, and old friends, all grown up!IMG_9044 IMG_9051 IMG_9052

Sunset on the waterfront with dorky family:IMG_9069 IMG_9073

Vanuatu family and friends onboard Portal:   IMG_9097 IMG_9103 IMG_9106

Floating Home

It’s been ten days since we first stepped off the South West Chief train into the Los Angeles sunshine. It was 6am and we were bleary eyed. Our get-away from Wisconsin involved a torrential down-pour that soaked our bike boxes and belongings, a 15 minutes-to-spare arrival at the station, a few desperately insulting Amtrak employees, and a mad panic that left Charlie and I separated, unsure of where the other was, each jumping between the closing doors, hoping like hell the other was onboard.

As the train pulled out, Charlie found me a few cars up, still struggling with our 6 or 7 bags. We threw our arms around each other, giddy with relief. Then he explained the bad news: our bikes hadn’t made it. They’d be on the next train (if only their boxes could hold together long enough). Finding our seats, we settled in for our three-day rolling adventure across America, finally able to relax.

John was waiting for us on our arrival, and sped us through the busy streets of building rush-hour traffic, to our new home off Palawan Way. With typical graciousness, he then found somewhere else to be for a few minutes, while we walked down the dock, to our floating dream. There she was. All beauty, all beat-up, all strength and character, as I had imagined. We stood together in the cockpit, disbelieving. Then we ventured down below, into the cosy cabin. It felt like home already! We giggled and sniggered, like a kid on a brand-new bike, unsure of how to express such joy.

We ought to have slept, at last able to rest horizontally, but at 9pm, after a day of sorting and cleaning, we looked around, saw it was dark, and wondered where the time had gone. Our first night was spent in perfect slumber, in the bow and belly of our boat, with the warm understanding that a new fire and adventure was now beginning.

Our bicycles arrived (somewhat unexpectedly) the next day, and since assembling them in the Amtrak warehouse, we have seen L.A on two wheels. We still haven’t ventured very far afield, but so far bike lanes and courteous drivers seem to be the norm rather than the exception. Our first priority has been to repair the engine, so many days have seen us scuttling around from shop to shop, looking for one part or another. We’re getting closer to the climax, and hope to hear the sweet puttering of diesel soon. That will be cause for celebration!

Which, speaking of, we’ve found no-lack of excuses for. Our first day marked a memorial of course, then the electricity hook-up (not as easy as it sounds on a floating home), then our bikes arriving safely, Charlie finishing his final class paper (and at last a free man) was another, then our week anniversary etc… etc…

And with only having finally hooked up our stove today (relying on the microwave until now), cafe breakfasts have been the logical and welcome feast for all our celebrations. Tomorrow though, to honor our propane efforts, it’ll be home-cooked eggs and bacon, with freshly brewed coffee! And our new little home will never have smelt so good!

 

And like a raindrop falling from a luscious leaf, my time in Australia comes to an end. Almost five months, but they seem to dwindle into a small stack of memories, finishing before they fully begin. When I left Madison, last year in early winter, life was pretty chaotic. My four years away from ‘home’ had finally caught up with me –  I was losing touch with myself, grasping for truth, for happiness, and looking in all the wrong places.

Getting back to Australia, to the people who will always know and love me – let life click back into sense. I spent much of my time alone… reading, learning, growing… and enjoying my solitary company. I’d bike around for work from dawn till mid afternoon and silently watch my city come alive. On rainy days and during my breaks, I’d devour a book on sailing, or diesel mechanics, or live-a-board lifestyles, escaping into dreams and plans for my pretty little Cape Dory. On weekends, a train then bike to the beach would replenish my soul and inspire positivity. Life makes more sense in the water, that’s just the way it is.

Often I’d catch up for tea with one of my few dear friends, who’d listen compassionately and help look for new perspectives. The running saga of my life (latest skype calls, emails, letters) would tumble out my mouth as Mum, Ange, Andy or Jester returned comments, suggestions, or just hugs and understanding.  Always I’d come home to smiles, good meals, and a cosy nest. And as the quickening time tramped on, my heart mended itself, my soul found itself, and happiness happened.

A jet plane blew me into yesterday, a train choo-choo’d me across America’s plains, and now here I am, full circle, back in Madison’s Midwest.

This last 6 months Charlie and I have jumped some big hurdles. We stumbled a few times, made lots of mistakes, and the tunnel grew dark once or twice… but from here, sharing together this springtime light of day, I’m thankful. Our strength feels doubled, our love more unified… and our new adventure ready to begin…

Owning a sailboat! California here we come!

Family Member Addition

As I toil away here, screw-driver and allen keys in hand, working Monday to Friday for the first time in my life… I picture this:

and suddenly, the 40 degree heat, the monotony and the strain of an outdoor bicycle-mechanic job (for Brisbane city’s City Cycle bike-share program) doesn’t seem in the least bit arduous.

I’m putting away the pennies and true to the old adage – “A boat is just a hole in the water you throw money into” – tearing up $100 bills with ease and finesse. But doesn’t she look PRETTY?!

She’s had her cute little bottom painted, a brand new blue boot-stripe, her sea-cocks and thru-hulls replaced, a new depth sounder put in, and a whole long list of other fun (just add zero’s) additions or replacements.

She’s a Cape Dory 30ft Cutter (always a favourite of mine) and designed by Carl Alberg. We settled on January 1st – not a bad way to start off the year in my books! Before and since, she’s been in the experienced, nurturing hands of my old friend (and Captain of ‘Ramble’), John, who I am forever indebted to, thanks to his continuous love, support and level-headedness.

I’m spending my days turning them into weeks, work-work-working my way to her, and plan to be state-bound by mid-April. Perhaps no name will suit until i have felt her under a slight press of sail and a following sea, but I’m all open to ideas, if you have any!

For now, I console myself with dreams of letting go the bowlines, sailing away from the safe harbor, and catching the trade winds in my sails…

and at long last, I know where to call Home.

Some Things Never Change

I’m drinking a Flat White. It’s 28 degrees hot. I biked here on the left side of the road, and someone just said “see you this arv'”. Where am I? Home!  A week after landing, it all still feels like a novelty, but the part of myself I left here, 3 and a half years ago, has been welcomed back. Traveling, as is well-known by addicts of the open-road, allows you to be whoever you want to be. You can leave behind past identities and recreate. Usually, if you’re gone long enough, you’ll run right back into yourself, but there’s still an element of anonymity, of character-play.

Here, back home, I’m the Lily my old friends know, the woman my family knows. My mother knows me almost better than I know myself, so there’s no getting away from it here. And it’s so nice. Not to have to explain, not to have to decide, who that is. I’ve got a few more stories and a few more scars, but essentially, I’m still me.

And in the same way, my City is too. Buildings have come up and gone down, the dramatic floods early in the year have altered it’s shape and shaken it’s stumps, but it stills smells the same, people still smile the same, and Kangaroos still graze in the morning fog. Some things never change.

I left Madison in chaos, and with a heavy heart. My world there was splitting off into two different directions – one outside, one inside – and rather than decide which to go in – I left them both.

Brisbane, this is where I know. Where my constants can be constant and leave me room to figure out the rest.Where working out who I am doesn’t get in the way of working out what I want.  Where my city stands, and where I stand – afraid, brave, and intrigued – together.

Three Years

June 28th… no, actually – June 29th – marks a special day for me …  Three years ‘on the road’ (an anti-climactic cancelled flight to Thailand delayed me a day). Or at least, Three years since Australia, since Family, since Bubble-o-bills, Milo, and Three Monkeys chai. A few special occasions of relief – Peter once, Mum twice, Dad in San Fran and Sister a whole fabulous 3 months in Barcelona. While floating on Ramble I even got a package full of Milo tins for my birthday. But special treats aside, I’m now into my fourth year away.

Mum and Lil in the Caribbean

Family in San Francisco

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Away from what? I’ve built myself a Home in many places since, I’ve found new Friends, new Communities. I’ve relaxed on beautiful beaches, been to great gigs and slept on many a couch. But… … none of them have been Byron beach, none of them have been Mr Laneous at the Shire with the crew, and none of them have been Mum and Peter’s plush white sofa. I’m slowly losing my accent, gradually warming to the cold, and I’m even saying things like “Sofa”! I’ve learnt to spell like an American, speak like the French and eat like the Dutch.

I didn’t know what I was looking for, when I left in 2008. I didn’t know I’d find True Love,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nomad Bases,

and Bicycle Touring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I sure as hell couldn’t have guessed I’d be living in a small city in the Mid West, building a northern hemisphere Home. But it’s a good thing I did, since that’s exactly why I left – to explore, to learn, to grow. Now, I have new words, new (old) boots, and a Whole New Family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I still dream of mangoes by the kilo, signs that say “Watch for Kangaroos” and especially, I dream of waking up on that plush white Couch, or camping amongst Bottle Trees on Dad’s farm “DeHavilland”.

If I were ever to make plans, I would say: I plan on this being my last year away. I plan on catching the sailing season in February, and riding the trade winds all the way HOME. I plan on Kilometers and Capsicums and 40 degrees Celsius. But plans are for fools. I’ll just wait and see.

A winter in waiting

Somehow, after three years of regular blogging and almost weekly updates – six months rolled by without a post. I firmly believe it’s better to write poorly than not to write at all… and yet I find myself hesitating, criticising, and eventually denying, any pen to pay process.

Which is a shame, since my new life in the Midwest has proved an opportunity for new thought patterns, critical attitude analysis, and some seriously profound lessons. With very few local friend outlets, I ought to have used this platorm to help sort through feelings.

That’s the way it goes with depression though… the less you do, the lower you get, and then the less you do. I’m really not familiar with depression – it sounds so severe to me. But I suppose being sad for extended periods of time counts. Maybe the language isn’t important.

There is a phenomenon here calld S.A.D. – Seasonal Affective Disorder… a.k.a Sun Absence = Depression. It is definitely real, I learnt that much. But I wouldn’t want to attribute all of my misery to a lack of sunlight and an extremely long winter. True, it did snow last week and I am growing quite tired of feeling cold, like inside bone cold, but there is a lot more to it too.

It’s moving to a new place, any new place. It’s having a partner with a broken leg that won’t seem to heal. It’s being ready for an Australian home then having to wait. It’s integrating into a new family. And each of those have such a huge range of emotions associated with them that putting them all in a line like that seems almost meaningless. The good news is that whatever the block, whatever the dark cloud… it’s clearing. People are slowly moving outside again, friendships are being formed, and I’m gradually learning old lessons about attitude ownership, personal power, individual freedom in relationships.

I still want more from Charlie that he can give me right now, I am still building up trust with his family, and I’m still searching for my mission here in Madison, but the sun has thawed the icy lakes, and maybe the ice in me too. Things are flowing once more. At least i”m writing again. At least i’m touring again. Yep: I am writing this from the road.

Just a little loop – Madison-Chicago-Milwaukee-Madison…  just enough. Bike touring ‘courage’ seems so hard won, and so easily lost – but after a 90 mile day yesterday, in good time and with a smile, I remember –  I can still do it. Tomorrow i’ll bike into Madison, along the same route I took in June. Then, I was introducing myself to Charlie’s town… this time I’ll be coming home. My home.

Courage: n.

Most of our dictionaries will tell us “courage” is the ability to control (or conquer) fear. I’m often cited for being ‘courageous’ while out touring, hitchhiking, or traveling as a solo female… and yet: none of those exploits instill much fear in me. A little anxiety certainly, a healthy dose of anticipation, and perhaps a touch too much excitement, but fear? No, the open road speaks to me of possibilities, of adventure, of freedom. Societies initial ‘impending doom’ scenario is soon superseded with the reality of universal care, and though we may walk out the door in fear, soon the sky opens, the road widens, and your oyster tastes sweet.

If we have an understanding of what to expect, of our tools and our surroundings, then we are much less likely to be gripped by fear and therefore less likely to be feeling Brave. An outsider, who has never ridden a loaded bicycle on a deserted road, undoubtedly encounters uncertainty, insecurity and fear at the mere mention of it. But to the rider, who has become accustomed to life at a 15mph pace, and who has a map of all the waterholes, it has become a grand expedition, a soul-building, freedom filled experience. Our amount of courage is in direct proportion to our depth of fear.

So, I think it’s safe to say that while ‘out there’ on the highways and byways of the world, I’m not being very courageous. That’s not to say I’m not a courageous person. On the contrary, I like to think of myself as being very brave and bold. In fact, I just moved into a small house in a Midwest town knee deep in snow, with my lover (short one fully functioning leg) and his mother – with the somewhat delusional intention of ‘settling down’. If that doesn’t take courage, I don’t know what does! After three years of constant movement, and a childhood built on sporadic upheaval – being in one place with four walls and a roof, and looking for a job – well, it’s a little scary. Add to that a body and mind that don’t know of weather below 10 degrees Celsius, and you’ve got yourself some serious fear.

We congratulate our explorers on their bravery and we question our comrades who stay at home, but you may not have to rage the flood, or roam the field or climb the mountains crest – for a little bit of courage, just add fear.